His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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