I cockslap morals
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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