I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
