On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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