wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
