Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
