You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
