I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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