How's work?
Spinning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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