Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
