you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
