So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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