Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
