dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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