it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
