i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
