are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
