are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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