just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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