You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
