Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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