Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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