WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
