i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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