So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
