i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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