If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
