Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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