i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
