New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
