there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
