Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
