i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
