If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
