In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize