Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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