I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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