Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i think i just lost a toe
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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