so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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