The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
