I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
