ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
