anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
