there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Success! We fucked roommates!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
