i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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