What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your penis caused this!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
