she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
