he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
