At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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