I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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