What did we do last night that was yellow?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
