i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
