Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
