Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
