Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Semen is not good for contacts.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
