Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
