She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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